Former Bachelor star Danielle Maltby is still struggling following her very public breakup from Paul Calafiore.
The Big Brother star revealed about six months ago that he cheated on the Bachelor in Paradise alum with his reality TV co-star Cara Maria.
The whole situation was humiliating for Danielle, and she recently took to Instagram to explain how the scandal impacted her.
“Most days I feel myself hardening since my relationship ended. I honestly believed I had found my person. He was everything to me. Now the thought of dating leaves me terrified to let anyone in,” she shared.
“It’s not like I have anything to give out anyway. I’m trying to wrap any love I still have in me around myself.”
She continued, “I’ve been in this place before, after my fiancé died and that life was taken from me. This is different. You’re still here.”
Despite trying to put her best foot forward since the split, Danielle has had a hard time eating and has been constantly anxious.
“I’ve been slowly draining since the lies started and my ex cheated on me. The people that know and love me, see how much this has taken from me, especially physically,” she said.
“The ‘revenge bod’ I’ve tried to joke about isn’t some new diet trend, it’s because I’ve been physically sick from the anxiety, stress, grief and lies inflicted on me for months.”
She continued, “They’ve seen the messages and emails all summer, fall and now winter. Even this week, begging me to unblock him because ‘we are important in each other’s lives.’”
Though Paul wants to be back in Danielle’s life, she knows she has to protect her heart.
“I made a lot of excuses trying to rationalize his behavior and I wasn’t able to come to terms with the fact he was able to hurt me like this,” she said.
“I believe I was shown the person he wants to be but something is holding him back from it. I’m still trying to fortify my wall, all the while knowing, no matter what I block him on, he still has the capability to break it down and he’s still trying.”
She continued, “In my heart, I know he’s not a bad person. Somewhere in his mind though, he has made himself believe that it’s ok to continue to tell me he needs me, misses me, still loves me and wants to fix everything.”
Stay strong Danielle, we are thinking of you!