This isn’t the first time people on The Young and the Restless have played fast and loose with what seems like gross human resources violations at one particular company. In fact, we bet certain C-suite folks will be finding this memo on their desks when they return from the recent holiday. It goes something like this.
Young and the Restless Infractions
From: Newman Enterprises Human Resources Department
To: Victor Newman, Victoria Newman, Nicole Reed Newman
Re: A Friendly Reminder for Professional Best Practices (Version #712)
Y&R: Let’s Start at the Very Beginning
Dear Mr. Newman, Mrs. Newman, and Ms. Newman –
Happy Labor Day. We in the Human Resources Department would like to seize the opportunity of the holiday to reinforce a few of the rules considered mandatory for running a smooth and profitable company. That isn’t being sued every minute of every day.
We are not suggesting that you have done anything wrong. And, even if you have, we understand that it was completely by accident. We are aware that a childhood in an orphanage, a previous career as a stripper, and a most unfortunate recent loss of a husband in a completely non-suspicious car crash, has made you victims, and thus utterly incapable of victimizing others. We read our employee handbook.
Young and the Restless: Red Flags
So in the spirit of your remaining completely blameless, we’d like to remind you of a few more rules that we added to the handbook, after the “Newman Are Always Right” section.
Rule #1) Hiring people who you are sleeping with solely on the basis of their prowess in bed and not any actual business experience is what we in the trenches like to call a big no-no.
Rule #2) Firing people solely on the basis of who they are sleeping with that you might not like and not due to their professional performance is an even bigger no-no. A no-no-no, some might say.
Naturally, we are not suggesting any Newman could be guilty of such infractions. But, on the off chance that someone else in the company is considering similar behavior, we thought we’d just dash off this memo off before we take off for our three-day weekend. With no one, you know. Or ever will.
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