A Critic’s Review of General Hospital: A Cassadine Retcon Too Far

When it comes to General Hospital, every fan has their own opinion – and Soap Hub is no different. For five days, we sat and watched the good, the bad, and everything in between, and now we offer you a handy review, and a cheeky critique, of the GH week that was.

General Hospital: A Critic’s Week In Review

Valentin, Valentin, Valentin (James Patrick Stuart)…what are we to do with you? You were promised to be the most ruthless, and terrifying of all the Cassadine’s, and then you wound up being a parent par excellence, a piano virtuoso, and a lovelorn sheep in a devil wolf’s skin.

You went from being the bastard son of Mikkos Cassadine to the bastard son of Helena Cassdaine (Constance Towers) – the result of an ill-advised affair with a Cassadine Island native – and now The Powers that Be expect us to believe that you are the spawn of Helena and VICTOR Cassadine (Charles Shaughnessy)…this is just a retcon too far – and we’ve accepted Stavros morphing from Helena’s nephew to son, surviving a broken neck, and a 20 odd year deep freeze, and all that bologna about Laura Spencer Collins (Genie Francis) bartering a Cassadine heir for her freedom from Cassadine Island.

In our perfect world, General Hospital is merely pulling a fast one, and it will soon out that Victor is playing on Valentin’s need to belong to something and someone in order to convince him to join forces against Peter August (Wes Ramsey).

If not, the writers are going to have do so some serious explaining, seeing as how a DNA test found NO relation between Valentin and Alexis Davis (Nancy Lee Grahn) – a true Cassadine heir…we think. Nothing is apparently certain on this show; not even things that we’ve seen play out before our very eyes on three or so years ago; isn’t that right, Curtis Ashford (Donnell Turner), Jasper “Jax” Jacks (Ingo Rademacher), Laura, Sam McCall (Kelly Monaco) and many of the other characters who’ve seem to forget exactly how the whole, “Who Shot Hayden Barnes” story unfurled.

And speaking of rewrites, did we not establish that: a.) Esme Prince (Avery Kristen Pohl) comes from a wealthy adoptive family, and b.) The Tan-o was completely gutted by the fire Peter set?

If all that’s true, then why are Esme and Spencer Cassadine (Nicholas Alexander Chavez) moping around, acting like they don’t have two pennies to rub together, and how did “Mike’s” (Maurice Benard) personal belongings survive intact? We’re all for keeping Phyllis Caulfield (Joyce Guy) on our screens, but couldn’t she have just swung by to, as she put it, meet the real man she’d spent nine months looking after?

Further GH Musings

* Are we absolutely certain that Dante Falconeri (Dominic Zamprogna) has been cured of his conditioning?

* Best Keeping In Character Moment: Carly Corinthos’s (Laura Wright) barely contained jealousy over Sonny and Phyllis’s obviously warm connection.

* Is Robert Scorpio’s (Tristan Rogers) return to General Hospital any indication that Holly Sutton (Emma Samms) is indeed the woman being held captive alongside Drew Cain (Cameron Mathison), Valentin, and Liesl Obrecht (Kathleen Gati)? Or, is he merely there to cause Anna Devane’s (Finola Hughes) aggravation? Either way, we’re here for it.

* When exactly did Sam get her parole lifted; and who is looking after her daughter? Surely she didn’t leave her in Kristina Corinthos (Lexi Ainsworth) and/or Molly Lansing Davis’s (Haley Pullos) hands.

General Hospital (GH) airs weekdays on ABC. Check your local listings for airtimes. For more about what’s coming up in Port Charles, check out all the latest that’s been posted on GH spoilers, and for an in-depth look at the show’s history, click here.