WISE UP: Why General Hospital’s Michael Is The Dumbest Dude On Soaps

While Carly’s beloved Michael is a very sweet young man, he needs a lot of work in the wits department. The poor General Hospital (GH) soul just can’t seem to get it right with women no matter how hard he tries. And, maybe that’s because he uses his heart much more than his head.

Oh, Michael (Chad Duell), you finally had the right woman in Sabrina, but HAD to drive her off when you learned she kinda, sorta lied about who fathered her child. (It wasn’t you.)

But, Sabrina (Teresa Castillo) wasn’t with you when she did the deed with Carlos (Jeffrey Vincent Parise) and you refused to listen to her explanations, so then she left with Carlos, and by the time you got her back, she died soon after.

So, what do you do only months later? You fall for a girl who was really and truly too good to be true. And when someone is too good to be true…well, there may be a reason for that.

Then, you found out the reason. She wasn’t good and what she said wasn’t exactly true. She drugged your dad, climbed into bed with him, and then made sure your mother heard a recording all about it.

OK, maybe she wanted to stop Carly right before she heard it all, but that’s because she had the rich guy (apparently again) and wasn’t prepared to give you up.

Oh, Michael, what did you do? You forgave Nelle (Chloe Lanier) anyway no matter what she did. She was a b***ch to your mom, to your dad, and to your grandmom–and you still said, I want her anyway.

Now, she keeps on lying, keeps on making excuses, and you keep on believing her. Heck, maybe she does have a good reason for all these lies, but you can’t keep accepting every word she says even after you hire Curtis to prove her innocence and he can’t.

Michael, face it. You have a problem. Now, get some help and be that savvy Corinthos-Quatermaine you were meant to be.

General Hospital (GH) airs weekdays on ABC. Check your local listings for airtimes.