These Fascinating General Hospital Characters Need To Grow Up

General Hospital is filled with folks of all ages, from Baby Wiley to grandmas like Monica, Bobbie, and Laura. But doesn’t it seem like half the town is stunted in a state of prolonged adolescence?

General Hospital Grown-Up Kids?

Mob boss Sonny (Maurice Benard) all but lays down on the floor and kicks his feet if he doesn’t get his own way. Legal eagle Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) gets giggly and tongue-tied around a cute boy.

Hitman (Steve Burton) hides his feelings lest anyone catch a glimpse of the real person behind the tough black T-shirt. Nina (Cynthia Watros) is shocked every time one of her romantic fantasies don’t come true. Carly (Laura Wright) wants whatever someone else has. Valentin (James Patrick Stuart) is still smarting over what Mommy and Daddy did to him. Why is this?

Get On The Couch — Just Not Neil or Kevin’s

Neil (Joe Flanigan) may be on the verge of losing his license to practice psychiatry, thanks to Alexis, and Kevin (Jon Lindstrom) is likely still recovering from that whole my brother took over my life and divorced my wife thing. So we’ll take a seat in their comfy shrink chair and pop a few of the above folks on the couch for some therapy.

Call and Response

Why does Sonny throw tantrums? Because his stepfather was abusive and it’s the only way he knows how to communicate. It’s not his fault!

Why does Alexis lose her feminist principles the moment a bad boy smiles at her? Because the trauma of having a baby at 16 and giving her up for adoption froze her emotional development! It’s not her fault! And seeing her mother murdered in front of her probably didn’t help!

Why doesn’t Jason express his feelings? Brain damage, remember? Not his fault! Why is Nina still such a romantic? She lost 20 years of her life in a coma! Not her fault! Why does Carly need everyone’s babies for herself? She was given up for adoption and is still trying to recreate the family she thinks she lost! Not her fault!

Why does Valentin have Mommy and Daddy issues? His Mommy and Daddy were BAD. Not his fault! Sometimes childhood issues make for the most entertaining adult characters. General Hospital (GH) airs weekdays on ABC. Check your local listings for airtimes.