Our April Fool’s Article for GH: It’s Simply Unbelievable!

Top secret General Hospital sources report that Emmy-winner Steve Burton is back taping on the Port Charles set – but he’s not playing hit-man with a heart of gold Jason!

Since Billy Miller has made the part his own, adding un-Burton flourishes like letting Jason smile and wear tight-fitting T-shirts in colors other than black, the GH brass was forced to create a different role for the returning Burton, in the same way they had earlier for Roger Howarth (first Todd, then Franco), Kristen Alderson (first Starr, then Kiki), and Michael Easton (first John, then Silas, then Finn).

“Steve was OK with that,” our set-side source reveals, “But since Billy now has first pick of all the tight T-shirts, Steve’s only stipulation was that he be allowed to appear shirtless whenever they’re in scenes together. And in any scenes without Billy, too.”

GH Executive Producer Frank Valentini, who has been trying to refocus the show on the actual hospital and away from the mob that’s dominated for over two decades now, thinks the most straightforward way to do that while also appeasing fans of Maurice Benard’s dimples is to have Burton portray a doctor who is always shirtless.

Realizing that might be a bit hard for viewers to swallow – after all, the hygenic implications alone are staggering – Valentini took great pains to clarify that it will not be merely Burton’s abs and pecs that actually cure patients, but his “masculine beauty” as a whole. Anything else would be patently ridiculous.

Shirtless Steve’s first consult is slated to be Finn. All soft objects were removed from the set on the day of their taping, to prevent accidental cutting by either of their chiseled cheek-bones.

No animals were harmed in the filming, as a stunt iguana was also used.

Watch for Steve Burton’s debut on April 1, 2017.

And, by the way, Happy April Fool’s Day! Burton is not returning to GH in the near future as he is one very busy businessman. Check out the talented actor’s new family company, Burton Nutrition. It’s chock full of wonderful items to get healthy with!

General Hospital airs weekdays on ABC. Share your thoughts, leave a comment in the section below. Win exclusive member-only GH spoilers, prizes, and more: sign up here! Also, join the conversation on our Facebook page.