A Human Resources Memo for Days of our Lives and General Hospital

Dear Days of our Lives and General Hospital: It has come to the attention of the Human Resources Department of the International Mercenary Association that several of our members, not to mention their loved ones, are a touch confused about the job description of Mercenary, also known as Killer For Hire, also known as Not a Candidate for Sainthood. To clear up the confusion, please see our notes below:

Death’s Door DAYS

John (Drake Hogestyn) was horrified to overhear Steve (Stephen Nichols) telling Marlena (Deidre Hall) that John was responsible for the death of Konstantin’s (John Kapelos) daughter. How will his beloved wife ever be able to look at John again without picturing the bullet-ridden body of a beautiful, young Greek girl?

OK, the beautiful, young Greek girl may be a new detail. But Marlena has spent literally decades looking at John — except for the years when both took turns being presumed dead – all while knowing that he was the brainwashed weapon of Stefano DiMera’s (Joseph Mascolo), as well as a freelance killer on his own.

As per the International Mercenary Association: Dear Mr. Black — When you told your wife you were a mercenary, what did you think she thought you did? Did you think she thought that you went about performing errands of mercy? The root of the word may be the same, but, believe us, that is precisely what our members lack. There is no reason for you to be angry with Mr. Johnson. He did not tell your wife anything she previously did not know.

General Stupidity

Meanwhile, Josslyn Jacks (Eden McCoy) was equally horrified to learn that her boyfriend, Dex (Evan Hofer) the mob enforcer, has a past of enforcing things mobsters want done. Deadly things. How could she have had non-stop sex with someone capable of killing another human being? That is so what Joss’ mom is into, not Joss.

From the IMA: Dear Miss Jacks — When your boyfriend told you he worked for Port Charles’ most beloved mobster, your own former stepfather, Sonny Corinthos (Maurice Benard), as well as that he was a former solider, what did you think he did there? Granted, he may have been nothing more than a computer programmer or a cook in the military. But, as Mr. Corinthos employs other people for those tasks, the only positions still left for your bed buddy Dex are in the killing field. With side gigs in extortion, blackmail, and arson. What exactly did you think he was doing when not kissing you, or talking about how much he enjoys kissing you? What did you think he was enforcing, exactly?